| I tried hard not to use the words "trouser press" |
[2009-11-11 14:30] |
I have an important meeting on Friday, for which purpose I recently bought some new trousers.
However, these new trousers of mine were about three inches too long in the leg. Hmph.
This morning, I rooted around in the sewing machine cabinet's drawers, and found some of that cunning iron-on hemming webbing stuff. I unfolded the ironing board, and then paused.
A while ago, I chucked out both of my old irons, each of which had been broken by the stepson before he left home about two years ago. Yes, stop laughing at the back, it is more than two years since I did any ironing. So now I don't own an iron. And, looking at the ironing board, the cover is in a shocking state. And that webbing must be about thirty years old -- it belonged to Anne's mother.
So I went shopping, and came home armed with a new iron, a new ironing-board cover, and a new packet of that cunning iron-on hemming webbing stuff.
(Warning accompanying the new iron, the new steam iron -- "do not allow this unit to be exposed to moisture". Hmmm.)
We'll draw a kindly veil over the scene where I took the trousers up. Suffice it to say that, while I understand the principles, my skill in tailoring is substantially less than my skill in, for example, configuring mail servers.
But now, my trousers are about three inches shorter. And all the creases are in the right place. And both the legs are the same length as each other, which I understand is quite important amongst those who care about such things.
Phew. Now I'm going to go and have a lie down. I might put some stitches in later, to guard against the possibility that the cunning webbing might not hold in real-world situations. |
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| Peter's had an accident |
[2009-11-03 18:56] |
Some of you will have met my little brother Peter when I took him and Richard to TCASU. Peter was the one with the conventional arrangement of limbs, with two at the top and two at the bottom.
Well, now I hear that he's had an accident with an electric saw, and ( I suppose calling this a cut would be in poor taste )
More news when I have it. |
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| The promise of the horror to come |
[2009-10-31 10:32] |
It's that date.
The date which promises forthcoming horror. Dark and unpleasant things lurk in the shadows, waiting to emerge and trap the unwary. We know the horror is coming, we can only imagine how dreadful it's going to be, and there's nothing we can do to stop it.
Yes, it's 1,000 days until the start of the London Olympics. |
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| It takes seven days for Asda to say "fuck off" |
[2009-10-30 20:58] |
October 22nd, from me to Asda:I wanted to buy two twelve-packs of 200mg ibuprofen and a ten-pack of Beechams hot lemon, and was refused at the checkout with the till giving the message "limit:2". It's correct that there's a limit (by law) of two packets of ibuprofen, but there aren't any ingredients in common between the ibuprofen and the Beechams, and no reason in law why the two shouldn't be sold in combination. Apparently, to be an Asda customer, I have to choose between painful knees and painful sinuses, and can't solve both problems at once. This took place at Atlantic Village, Bideford -- but your staff there told me that it was a group-wide policy brought in to satisfy the relevant law. In fact your policy has misread the law concerned. I wonder if I should simply shop with some other retailer?
October 29th, from Asda to me:Thank you for your email.
I'm sorry to hear you are unhappy with the policy we have in place which limits customers to only buying 2 items of medication.
When customers are purchasing any medication it currently flags up an limit alert on the checkout when the item is scanned to prompt all checkout colleagues to make sure the customer they are serving are not purchasing over two items of medication.
I've passed your comments onto our pharmacy team here at ASDA House so they are aware of your comments.
Thanks again and if there is anything else I can help you with please let me know.
Which, being translated, says "this is Asda repeating stuff you already know; I've passed your message on." No guidance on whether or not I should shop with someone else instead, which suggests that they don't care.
In other news, Sainsburys persists in allowing me to buy stuff I need. |
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| Disaster! |
[2009-10-30 18:28] |
I think my living room telly has just died.
Edit (20:23): I've retrieved the telly from my bedroom (which I never use) and installed it in the old one's stead. Sadly this telly is only half the size (14-inch 4:3 instead of 28-inch 16:9), but it'll do for the moment. |
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| Plot Bunny |
[2009-10-26 07:18] |
Here's an idea which emerged from a conversation with Julia.
Suppose Anya (out of Buffy) met Jack (out of Doctor Who), and somehow ended up being very fond of him for some reason. Suppose further that Jack somehow got himself killed, and Anya got very upset about it and wreaked some terrible vengeance upon whoever was responsible.
And then Captain Jack comes back to life. D'oh! What an embarrassment. And this sort of thing just keeps happening.
Eventually Anya ends up with a long list of people she's wronged with premature vengeance. And she decides she needs to work her way down the list to make amends.
I call it "My name is Anya". |
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| Meanwhile... |
[2009-10-22 21:33] |
I've just spent a week visiting.
Last Thursday evening I came up to Sheffield, and on Friday Julia and I went on to York to see the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain -- which was jolly good. Some of you might enjoy going to see them.
Saturday and Sunday was spent assembling flat-pack furniture from a well-known Scandinavian retailer, and now Julia has lots more storage for her clothes.
On Monday we both went down to see my mother in Devon for a few days. While we were there I sent Julia and Mother off to go clothes shopping together while I went to see my brother, and to study his slow computer. I'm accustomed to sitting down in front of a slow computer, removing a shedload of unwanted software and updating the anti-malware provision, and then releasing a much faster machine back to the user. But in this case there was hardly anything unwanted running... and physical memory was still bumping up around 80% used and it was spending all its spare time swapping. A few moments with an online retailer followed, and this morning some new RAM arrived and I was able to demonstrate the difference between Vista-on-512MB-RAM and Vista-on-2048MB-RAM, giving him another couple of years use out of his machine for about forty quid.
Back in Sheffield tonight, and a lovely Indian meal, mmmmmm. Home tomorrow morning. |
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| That Asda story in full |
[2009-10-22 21:24] |
Yesterday lunchtime some of you will have seen me tweeting "Asda are too stupid to have me as a customer.".
Now I've got a bit more time, so I've just gone to the Contact Asda page, and wrote (amongst other stuff) the following:I wanted to buy two twelve-packs of 200mg ibuprofen and a ten-pack of Beechams hot lemon, and was refused at the checkout with the till giving the message "limit:2". It's correct that there's a limit (by law) of two packets of ibuprofen, but there aren't any ingredients in common between the ibuprofen and the Beechams, and no reason in law why the two shouldn't be sold in combination. Apparently, to be an Asda customer, I have to choose between painful knees and painful sinuses, and can't solve both problems at once. This took place at Atlantic Village, Bideford -- but your staff there told me that it was a group-wide policy brought in to satisfy the relevant law. In fact your policy has misread the law concerned. I wonder if I should simply shop with some other retailer?
I left them with a basket full of other goods at the checkout, because one of the symptoms of being unwell is lack of patience. Were I in better condition, I'd have gone through the appropriate channels at the customer service desk in-store, but of course in such circumstances I wouldn't be seeking to buy two different medicines at once. |
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| This explains a lot... |
[2009-10-14 09:10] |
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There's something here which might explain why some people consistently have such trouble with their, erm, laptops. |
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| National Coming Out Day. |
[2009-10-11 19:24] |
National Coming Out Day is celebrated on October 11th in the USA, and on October 12th in the UK.
This is due to the natural reluctance of those of us from the UK to make a move until it's clear what the other party's intentions are.
So I'd like to take this opportunity to wait and see what everyone else does. |
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| Oops, I did it again. |
[2009-10-10 23:19] |
Remember how, just before my birthday, I tidied the house and found about fifteen litres of various spirits?
Yes, that's right.
I've tidied up a bit more.
I've just found 45 bottles of wine.
Oops! |
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| Turns out I'm normal... |
[2009-10-08 13:15] |
Fourth trip in quick succession to the doctor today.
Early August: Walk down hill in Edinburgh. Knee knackered. On OTC NSAIDs. Book in with doctor.
Mid August: Discuss knee. Get sent for x-ray.
Late August: X-ray normal. Get put on donkey-strength PO NSAIDs.
Late September: Get taken off PO NSAIDs before side-effects destroy my liver. Get sent for blood test.
Early October: Blood normal*. Knee still knackered. Back on OTC NSAIDs. Get referred to hospital.
*Blood normal meaning just as doctor would wish except for cholestorol level of 5.3 |
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| Good Things |
[2009-10-06 14:55] |
Lunchtime today has been improved by three particular things.
- I have made fish soup, which is almost always a good thing. And I've eaten it, and in the process demonstrated that today is one of those occasions when it has, indeed, been a good thing.
- I have made, and eaten some of, a lemon posset. Results were similarly pleasing.
- I have discovered that the Book of the Week on BBC Radio 4 in a little while is to be this one. |
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| If you don't know what this is about, don't worry. |
[2009-10-05 21:21] |
In order to dispel any doubt that there may be over my opinion on the matter:
Firstly, It's my firm belief that the correct response of a convention committee hearing criticism of their convention, or its current or previous committees, is to prove those critics wrong by running a great event.
Secondly, it seems to me that banning your critic from your event, refusing to enter into any online discussion on the matter, and refusing to discuss it with any other persons, seems (on the face of it) to be a little odd.
Thirdly and finally, I'm trying to remember any occasion when a committee has banned a critic and then refused to discuss it, and then gone on to find that their public image has improved in any way. No success yet. |
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| VirginFail |
[2009-10-02 07:52] |
So Virgin Broadband was down for about twelve hours from shortly before midnight on the 29th through to lunchtime on the 30th. They've been up since.
Now, however, I can't get through to my office from here... although I can get through just fine from various other places on the Internet that I can reach easily.
C:\Users\DougS>tracert -d 80.175.57.13
Tracing route to 80.175.57.13 over a maximum of 30 hops
1 8 ms 1 ms 1 ms 172.20.51.1
2 17 ms 11 ms 37 ms 10.159.60.1
3 10 ms 11 ms 8 ms 62.253.121.205
4 213.105.175.33 reports: Destination net unreachable.
Trace complete.
I'm just wondering whether other people are having the same trouble.
[EDIT (12:10): Now fixed. Routing borked between about half-five and about eleven this morning.]
Poll #1465298 VirginFail
This poll is closed.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 14Can your ISP route? ... and the name of my ISP is: |
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| That flu thing that's going round |
[2009-10-01 22:59] |
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So today I overheard someone referring to H1N1 as "hiney". Which I find altogether too amusing, in a "no, I haven't had hiney yet" way. |
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| Bad ideas, #1729 |
[2009-09-27 16:20] |
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Brian Johnson -- the evil love child of Brian Blessed and Boris Johnson. |
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| That birthday party, in full |
[2009-09-27 10:21] |
Happy birthday me, 44 today.
Birthday party last night was excellent.
Big thanks to everyone who came, it was wonderful to see you and I love you all. To everyone who said they'd come and then couldn't make it, I love you all too and I hope you all get well soon and stay in better condition in the future.
Even bigger thanks to those who did such sterling work in the garden, converting overgrown jungle to almost-usable open space and gathering up all the cut vegetation into managable bundles or bags. Extra big thanks to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) johannes_d who arrived early, did lots of work on the plants growing through the concrete path, and organised efforts elsewhere.
Similarly-sized thanks to purple_peril, who provided three (three!) excellent salads and did lots of washing-up.
Very big thanks indeed to frandowdsofa, who did lots of work helping with shopping and food preparation, and is cooking breakfast as I type.
But biggest thanks of all go to julia_winolj, who co-ordinated the whole project. She did at least half of the work tidying-up the house in the few weeks before the party, and assisted me with hearty encouragement whenever I wanted to abandon the work. She planned the menu, constructed shopping lists and directed operations in the supermarket. She did lots and lots of food preparation and similar kitchen-bound activities. She exhibited unfailing patience and cheerful nature in the face of injury, illness and fatigue -- and in the face of attempted co-operation from a dozy boyfriend.
One of the many, many wonderful things that Julia has done for this party is make two birthday cakes. They were wonderful, really beautifully crafted pieces of art. I posted a picture here, so go and have a look. |
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| Why hasn't all the rum gone? |
[2009-09-25 15:55] |
Some of you will be aware that my birthday is imminent, and I'm preparing for the attendant celebrations.
Some of you will also be aware of a recent discussion in another place about recipes for trifle. I made mention of a trifle incorporating chocolate cake, rum, meringue, and custard.
I thought I'd make just such a trifle. "I wonder," mused I, "whether there's any rum in the house".
Finally, some of you will be aware that I've been doing some major tidying-up around here, and on Wednesday I got as far as the drinks cabinet.
Yes, there is rum. There are, in fact, truly startling amounts of rum. And whisky, and brandy. There are about four litres each of rum, whisky, and brandy -- and some of it is rather nice stuff. There's also a litre or so of vodka, a litre or so of gin, and rather smaller quantities of various other spirits and liqueurs.
Of course this stuff lasts for ever if you don't drink it, so I'm confident that it's in reasonably good condition. If you were debating bringing along a bottle of one of these spirits tomorrow, you might wish to set it aside and instead help me get through my current stock.
There's also a certain number of bottles of wine (sparkling and otherwise) and beer, some of which is quite old and all of which has been stored incorrectly, and any of which therefore might be really quite nasty. But if you're visiting on Saturday, you might be called upon to attempt an assault on this little hoard.
See some of you tomorrow. |
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| Reminder for that party. |
[2009-09-20 11:11] |
Don't forget the party this Saturday!
If you get lost or stuck on the way in, feel free to phone for further instructions, or to request a lift from the station.
All the good crash space has been booked (Fran/John, Mel/Sarah, Max), but there's still a certain amount of floor available. People who prefer the more comfortable life can book into the nearby (five minutes walk) hotel, I can provide details if necessary.
Please comment if you're intending to come and you haven't already said so. |
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| Arrrrr! |
[2009-09-19 12:35] |
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Be ye piratical, me harties! |
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| 5770 |
[2009-09-19 12:34] |
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Happy New Year, those of you who recognise it. |
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| A seasonal game, suitable for ISIHAC |
[2009-09-18 07:46] |
It's time for a seasonal game.
On Tuesday it'll be the Autumnal Equinox.
"Equinox" is a contraction of a portmanteau word: it is derived from the Yiddish "Yecch", expressing distaste, coupled with the Teenspeak "inorite", expressing agreement, with the final corrupted "right" replaced with an X representing the stinging corrective "Wrong!"
The word "Autumnal", derived from the Greek root "auto-" and the Middle English "Ummm", refers to a lack of self-knowledge.
And so the Autumnal Equinox was traditionally a time for misplaced unease and self-doubt at the start of a new Academic Year.
For this game, I'd like the players to come up with plausible-sounding, but complete bollocks, derivations and explanations for popular polysyllabic words and phrases. |
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| Short story with obscure homage |
[2009-09-17 21:25] |
I've just written an SF short-short story for a competition, wherein I've named my protagonist "Kvardek-Du". I'm absurdly pleased about this, but I now realise that the name might additionally be read as a reference to this userpic.
Oh, I'm so clever. |
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| LolKanye |
[2009-09-17 03:30] |
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Yo, makers of LolKanyes, I'm really happy for you and I'm going to let you finish, but this meme is one of the quickest to get old of all time. |
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| Insomnia |
[2009-09-17 03:26] |
Julia's been around for several days, but now she's off to her father's and as is becoming usual the first night without her is blessed with insomnia.
But it's given me an opportunity, finally, to watch this, which I've enjoyed thoroughly -- not just the content but also seeing the reaction from the audience, around half of whom are regular readers of mine. |
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| Useful domestic tip |
[2009-09-15 13:13] |
Here's a good idea.
If you're about to eat corn on the cob with loads of butter, why not wear the shirt you dropped curry onto last week (on it's its first wearing). |
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| A poll about holidays |
[2009-09-11 20:55] |
Julia and I would have opposite answers to this question.
Poll #1456273 Holiday Offline
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 73You and your partner arrive for a week at your hired holiday cottage in the depths of the English countryside and discover that there's hardly any mobile phone signal and no chance of an Internet connection. |
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| Home is the Douglas, home from the hills... |
[2009-09-11 16:40] |
Yes, I'm back home now from a week in the land-of-no-mobile-signal-and-certainly-no-Internet which is The Cotswolds.
On arriving home, we discovered a plastic bottle of [formerly] milk, with about an inch of stinky white sludge in the bottom, on the worktop in the kitchen.
I said to Julia, "I'll bring in all the bags from the car...
... if you sort out that. |
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| Crossover of the Day: a prompt |
[2009-09-07 13:13] |
Just thought of this -- here's an idea for "Charge of the Light Brigade", as if written by Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty:
Cannon to the left of them,
Cannon to the right of them;
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.
Anyone who wants to write the full vesion, go for it. |
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| OSs are like sex... |
[2009-09-04 23:38] |
Reposting from elsewhere:
Heard yesterday...
Unnamed Windows user: "Operating systems are like sex."
Unnamed Linux user: "In your case, that's probably true. Your favorite experiences happened when you paid for it." |
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| Masonic Activity |
[2009-09-04 21:57] |
Two nights out this week. Two!
Last night I was at the consecration of a new lodge, Be Prepared Lodge no. 9845. I've not been to a consecration before, so it was interesting and entertaining. About 300 people in the main room at Sindlesham, and about 280 dining afterwards.
Tonight I was at St Cecelia's Chapter RC, which was quite different -- about 20 members and 5 visitors.
Very different meetings, but both lots of fun. Hurrah!
One of my oldest friends in Masonry has been very ill. Ed (who I haven't seen for about three months) had a stroke about a month ago, and is now very nearly completely deaf, very disoriented all the time, and very clumsy. He's making a recovery, but a very slow and very difficult one. He was at the meeting tonight, but was having a hard time enjoying it because he wasn't really clear about what was going on. And he dropped a nearly-full pint of beer. Boo. |
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| Forthcoming birthday party |
[2009-08-31 18:53] |
As some of you will already be aware, there's a birthday party coming.
It'll take place on Saturday September 26th in Bracknell, starting in mid-afternoon (oh, say 3pm-ish) and going on until late. The address is available here -- if you're coming and discover you're not on that filter then comment and I'll fix it.
For drivers, Bracknell is mid-way between M4 Jn 10 and M3 Jn 3 -- parking is in demand so please arrange to share a car, and be sensible when parking. Public transport types will find Bracknell about twenty minutes from Reading or an hour from London Waterloo on the line which joins them.
The intention is that there will be a barbecue for people to burn things on. There will be other things to eat, and things to drink. There will be some music and some conversation. And, crucially, for those people who want to do so there'll be an opportunity to head out into the garden armed with saws, secateurs and flamethrowers to try and make some sort of improvement. Those people who want to hide inside, pointing and laughing at the workers, can do so without penalty.
I'll be providing everything necessary for the barbecue other than meat, but if you're a meat-eater then do please bring something along to burn. Don't be shy about eating someone else's meat, but conversely don't be surprised if someone else eats what you've brought along.
Similarly I'll be providing tea, coffee, milk/sugar, and unlimited quantities of tap water -- but if you want to drink something else then by all means bring something along. Once again, be prepared for some bring-and-share.
I have a small quantity of crash space if you find you need to stop overnight afterwards -- but some of it has already been booked. I have details of a nearby (5mins walk) inexpensive hotel if that's going to be useful for you.
If by some misadventure you can read this and your partner[s] can't, you should behave as if they were also invited. Also, if you want to bring your children with you they're welcome to come but you need to be aware that conversation may include adult topics and won't be moderated on their account.
So please let me know if you're coming along, and if you're hoping to book some crash space.
Douglas Spencer |
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| Medical Matters |
[2009-08-20 22:00] |
Why am I having a meal comprising chiefly croissants and apple turnovers?
Because I can.
I went to my Doctor the other day (for the first time in about six years) to talk to him about my knee.
Before the visit, I confidently predicted that he'd instruct me to lose weight. While I was there he asked me what my height (1.78m) and weight (117Kg) were, which he typed into his little computer, and he measured my blood pressure (120/80 mmHg) which he said was "excellent". And he didn't tell me to lose weight at all.
Hence the croissants and apple turnovers.
(I've had an X-ray of the knee, and we talk again next week sometime) |
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