Douglas Spencer (dougs) wrote,
Douglas Spencer
dougs

  • Mood:

Relationship wibble

I went to the Brighton Slouch. scarlatti phoned me up while the group was forming at the station, which was totally delightful. I was holding the PDA in one hand, typing at MSN Messenger with another, and holding the phone in the third ... no, hang on, Elvis was holding the PDA while I was typing and talking. That was really good -- I was pleased to have her with me on the Slouch, so to speak. She was pleased to have joined in. It was good to be able to include her this way. Or so I thought.

The slouch progressed. Periodically I checked MSN on the PDA but it told me she was off-line. There was general slouching done. It was going to be a good day. Or so I thought.

And I got home, far too late and a little drunk. But I went on-line, and read a post entitled "stalled". I fired up Y!M and we chatted for an hour or so, and things were better. Or so I thought.

Sunday we chatted again. We established that we were both tired. We established that I wasn't good at reading signals. We established that we really really wanted to meet in person. All things we knew already. There was banter, there was flirting, there was shared humour. There was a little D/s roleplaying. And signals are so hard to read in a text-only medium, and there was a misunderstanding. Not a huge one, and it was sorted out promptly. Or so I thought.

A little later, when circumstances permitted, we set out to do something together that we'd been planning for a little while. Something that we both wanted to do, something that we were both sort of excited about. But when the moment came, the mood wasn't right. It didn't work. She asked me if I was okay, and I said that I was. Or so I thought.

And then later, mid-chat, I said that I was going to go to bed. And I went. Rather abruptly, by all accounts -- although I wasn't really watching myself at the time. I was tired, the laptop had been flakey, there were other things on my mind. And I said goodnight and logged off without saying goodnight properly. Left scarlatti high and dry. Without thinking.

And then I couldn't sleep, as the "mood" field in the previous post says. Because I miss what's going on, as the "music" field in the previous post says. Because I've spent the weekend being a crap boyfriend, as the previous post says.



It seems that I really can't read signals, particularly in this terribly inadequate text medium. And the fix, it seems, is to meet in person. If I only get one thing right this weekend, I hope that the thing I get right is the belief that meeting in person is the right thing to do.


Edited to add a reciprocal link
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