What's on your bedside table?
Like someone else said, there is no table. On the floor nearby? A clock/radio/alarm, a half-empty two-litre bottle of diet coke, a book, a TV remote. What's the book? See the next question.
What is the geekiest part of your music collection?
Since I don't really collect records, tapes or CDs, I'll have to reveal my geekiest other music related thing: the book next to my bed. It is "The hymns of Wesley and Watts" by Bernard Manning. No, really: it's by the late Bernard L Manning MA of Jesus College Cambridge, published by the Epworth Press in 1942. It's worth owning this book, if only for the existence of this surreal sentence in the foreword on page six: "Methodism owes a special debt of gratitude to Bernard Manning". I don't think that he's any relation.
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?
Typically when I raid, it's not from the fridge: Crisps, a banana, another bottle of Diet Coke.
What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?
There are none. It's the atmosphere in the theatre/cinema/room which has more effect. Music helps.
If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
I'd get some Teflon joints: two new elbows, two new ankles, and a new right knee. If it had to be something cosmetic? I'd take the cash alternative.
Do you have a completely irrational fear?
I used too -- of dogs -- but I'm cured now.
What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moment?
Do you ever have to beg?
I'll keep my dignity and do without. Unless the scene calls for it -- when it's the best sign that I've been broken.
Are you a pyromaniac?
Do you have too many love interests?
Just now I have too few. The ideal number is one.
Do you know anyone famous?</i>
Remotely. Assorted TV people would shop in the supermarket behind the bus stop where I waited to go home from school. Rowan Atkinson had a nephew at school at the same time as me and he kept turning up in the Chapel.
Describe your bed:
From Hulsta Studio, with a control which allows me to lift the head end and foot end independently, and each side independently of the other. Currently the sheets, pillowcases, duvet cover etc. are a sort of rich deep burgundy colour. The pillow on my side is quite heavy and fairly solid, the pillow on the other side is light and soft and squashy.
Spontaneous or plan?
"Spontaneous" is an adjective, while "plan" is a noun or verb. By and large I plan in advance, leave the paper at home and busk it on my arrival.
Who should play you in a movie about your life?
Either Jim Broadbent or James Fleet, if either can be persuaded to grow a beard and moustache. If not, it would have to be Brian Blessed.
Do you know how to play poker?
What do you carry with you at all times?
The mobile phone handset.
How do you drive?
Competently, I'd like to think. I seem to have been accident-free long enough to have a protected no-claims bonus and the second car running which has died mechanically without ever having been in an accident. As Jasper Carrot says of his mother: "She's never had an accident. She's caused thousands."
What do you miss most about being little?
Nothing. It says on my passport "Age at birth: Old." At Julia Daly's thirtieth birthday party, I was the youngest person there. No-one could believe it. The few things I delighted in doing when I was a kid, I still delight in doing.
Are you happy with your given name?
Yes. An anagram of "Carousing and sleep" -- what more could I wish for?
How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?
Name a figure. No, that's not enough.
What color is your bedroom?
The bedclothes, carpet and curtains are burgundy, the walls are pink or yellow, the ceiling is white, as are the skirting boards, door and window frame. The radiator, which is on the yellow wall, is pink to match the other walls.
What was the last song you were listening to?
Big Brother theme tune. Does that count? No, because I simply heard it, I wasn't listening to it.
Have you ever been in a play?
Oh, yes. My first play was as one of the bailiffs raiding Baron Hardup's cottage in a school play at the age of about six. I've never looked back. Most recently presenting "Red Shift", a poem about God's creation of the universe, photon decoupling and the 3K microwave background radiation, in a production of "Hopes and Dreams" just over a year ago. I could repeat this at a con sometime.
Who are your best friends?
What, since Anne died? Someone else apologised for saying that their mother was one -- I'm the same. Typically I don't get close to people easily or quickly. I'd known Anne for 14 years before we married. If I start right now, I might marry one of you lot in about 2016.
Have you ever been in love?
Once. It's wonderful. No description is adequate.
Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
Yes, and yes. Not that there aren't things I would happily change, but even as I am, I like me.
Do you think you're cute?
Cute is not the right word.
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
That's more like it.
Do you spend more time with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or your friends?
When I was married, I was married full-time. I don't know if I'd be the same if I acquired another partner.