Douglas Spencer (dougs) wrote,
Douglas Spencer

Let me explain ...

I think. That's what I do. It's my key coping mechanism. If there's something that I need to handle, I think about it.

There are issues surrounding scarlatti that destroy my ability to think, and therefore I find it incredibly hard to cope ... with the distance, with the separation, with the cancer, with the dysfunction in the bedroom, with the immigration issues, with the job issues ... because the whole area is invested with so much feeling that I'm unable to think.

I love scarlatti so much that I'm unable to think about things.

Thinking is my technique for handling life. It is my only technique for handling life.
At the moment, I can't think, and so, at the moment, I can't handle life. Routinely and continuously, for about the last six months.

I'm perilously close to the edge, for pretty much of the time.

I have spells when I can't function.

There are two or three people who helped me stay sane -- or at least not totally insane -- when I had to learn to cope with life without Anne. And every day I have to cope with life without scarlatti.

Some of the same people are helping.

You know who you are. Thank you.

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