Douglas Spencer (dougs) wrote,
Douglas Spencer

Return of Fred

loneraven has interviewed me.

1. What's your favourite food?
2. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?
3. Do you have any phobias?
4. Where's the furthest from home you've ever been?
5. Tell us the best joke you know.

1. What's your favourite food?
This is a conversation I had with scarlatti earlier today, when we were talking about all sorts of foods.
I really like beef, in various forms. I'm making bolognaise either tomorrow or the next day, for example -- and if she's fit enough, I'm hoping we can go out somewhere for a steak. I think it's the caveman in me coming out.

2. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I didn't have ambitions when I was little. I didn't have the traditional "I want to be a..." style of ambition, at least. When I was old enough to be aware of the difference between sciences and non-sciences, which is to say things-I-was-good-at and things-I-wasn't, the first job I found which was "for scientists" was pathology ... so at about eight years old, for a short while, I wanted to be a pathologist, but it didn't last. By the time I was of employable age, I'd discovered computers, and I wanted any job that didn't involve me doing any hard work at all, so I ended up mucking around with computers at IBM for nine months. Then I went to university, and spent my summer holidays mucking around with computers at Aer Lingus, and now I have to have a proper job, I find myself mucking around with computers for assorted clients on a consultancy basis. So if what I wanted to be was "someone who mucks around with computers but is otherwise idle", I seem to have succeeded.

3. Do you have any phobias?
I do -- I'm really not a fan of dogs, although I'm much better than I used to be, and while I'm not averse to using knives and needles in their proper place, I'm deeply averse to playing with them.

4. Where's the furthest from home you've ever been?
The east coast of China, where the Great Wall reaches the sea. I've stood on the balcony at the very end of the wall, and leaned out through the gaps, specifically to be a little bit further from home.

5. Tell us the best joke you know.
It varies. Not solely over time, but also depending on the audience.
Okay, we'll do the Pig Joke.
A man is walking down a country lane and he happens to see a pig with three legs turn off the lane and into a farmyard. "This is odd," he thinks to himself, and he turns into the farm himself, where he meets the farmer.
"Good afternoon," he says, "I couldn't help noticing your pig."
"It's a fine animal," the farmer replies.
"I'm sure it's a magnificent beast," the man continues, but why has it only got three legs?"
"I won't have anything bad said about that pig," the farmer retorts: "That pig saved my life! Why, a few months ago I was ploughing the top field in my tractor, and the tractor overturned and trapped me underneath. This pig realised what had happened, hurried down to the farmhouse and raised the alarm. I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for that pig."
"That's an impressive story," our hero admits, "but why..."
"That's not all," the farmer interrupts. "Six weeks ago, the farmhouse caught fire, trapping my wife and our two small children inside. This pig ran out to the field where I was working, dragged me back here so that I could see what was going on and call the emergency services. That pig saved my family's life!"
"Well, it clearly is a wonderful animal," our friend replies, "but why..."
The farmer breaks in once more. "There's more. Just this last weekend, there was a mudslide on the hill above the village. Quick as a flash, this pig ran up the hill and pushed down a large tree, blocking the mud and saving the lives of thirty children in the school down below. It's a truly wondrous part of God's creation."
"That's an astonishing story," the man says, "but tell me, why does it only have three legs?"
The farmer nods sagely, and gives a knowing smile. "Ah, a pig like this," he says, "you don't eat all at once."

Okay, if you're unfamiliar with the drill, it works like this -- ask me below, and I'll interview you with five questions. In self-defence, I'm only taking five interviewees this time round. I've had five takers now.

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