As you'll all be aware, I'm a Psycho Vigilante, borderline Thought Police. It turns out that Julia is a National Enquirer Headline, but thanks to Freud and his slips, I've just described her as a National Enquirer Helpline, which I think is a much more amusing (and potentially useful) concept.
Hello, National Enquirer Helpline, can I help you?
I hope so, apparently space aliens fathered my last baby...