One of the listizens suggested that if I won a large sum in a poetry competition I "would have to beat the ladies off with a large stick."
Well, I couldn't resist. I wrote a poem about it.
Four terms you need to understand before you read this, terms which may be unfamiliar to much of my readership:
- SeaCon is the name of a convention of fans which will occur during the weekend of Easter 2003.
- a FanEd is a fan who edits a publication written by and for fans.
- to SMOF is to organise fannish activity, very loosely speaking.
- a truff is a "true fan", a meaningless term which serves to group together fans which are, well, truffish.
Now the poem, with apologies to John Masefield: Seacon Fever
I must go down to the bar again, to see FanEds and to SMOF,
And all I ask is a large stick, to beat the ladies off,
For the ale's thick, and the ale's strong, and the ale needs drinking,
But it's not enough to save a truff from the ladies' winking.
I must go down to the bar again, for the call of a glass of beer
Is a wild call, and a clear call, and a call we all can hear,
And all I ask is a full glass, and a taste of honey
From a girl who wants to be with me, and not my money.
I must go down to the bar again, to a love declared,
From a girl I know, and the warm glow of an evening shared,
And all she'd seize is a friendly squeeze from a laughing fellow rover,
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the drinking's over .
It's evident, in retrospect, that I've been thinking about Valentine's day quite a lot recently.