I chose the place because they always -- always -- give me a menu in English.
She said "Just the one of you, yes?"
I replied "Only me tonight."
"Non-smoking?" she asked.
"That'll be great."
All this in French.
And then she showed me to the table, gave me a menu.
In French.
Oh dear.
In other news, I'm watching





If my French is just barely enough to earn me a French menu, my German is practically non-existent.
haben ze Schnapps.